Confessions, #27

#27: If you could change one thing, and only one thing, about yourself, what would it be?

This is always a fun one. Because as soon as a person starts to think of themselves in a negative light, all sorts of stupid, random insecurities start to surface. Then your brain organizes a skirmish among them, pitting your non-airbrushed skin against a semi-snaggly tooth, or a droopy eyelid against a wee bit ‘o belly flub (also, I imagine them wearing tiny helmets and brandishing swords and cudgels).

I’ve gone through many a self-deprecating day, vacillating between “if only I had perfect skin” and “I’m going to need adult braces, OH GOD THEY’LL CALL ME MRS. METAL MOUTH,” and certainly drawing mental perforation marks down my thighs and tum. It’s a stupid thing that most girls (people, really) do, and on any given day it can be triggered by seeing a coworker’s shelf-shaped ass or, perhaps, because a certain person acts SO SURPRISED when they learn you’re a dancer, “because aren’t dancers usually like, REALLY slim?”

::glare::

Regardless, if I get really, really honest about it, there is only one thing I would change: my repetitive venturing into that place where I feel shitty about something random and take it out on myself. For instance, money, the fact that I don’t have any, and why despite my MANY REQUESTS TO THE UNIVERSE that a giant bag of cash fall out of the sky and onto my head, I have only had one person offer to give me eighty dollars worth of pennies in a sack with a dollar sign on it.

Seriously.

We’re meeting up next week.

My point is not to say that I’m a mannequin OR that I don’t succumb to my own bullshit–far from it. But when you start to admit you’re getting older (sigh), and all that nonsense your parents and teachers told you about life being short and the only real goal you should ever strive for is happiness and blah, blah, blah starts to make actual sense? It gets slightly easier to see exactly how ridiculous it is for a person to feel guilty for eating a donut when they had an apple for breakfast, or for having a cookie after eating chicken and salad for dinner, or why a girl would literally starve herself into bobble-headdom for a chance to stumble dizzily down a runway. OR, why some people refuse to go outside without makeup on, or their hair done, or the perfect outfit. Or to take it further, how there’s not a whole lot of…point…in lying. Or being friends with people who suck. Or getting into arguments over things that don’t matter (or completely avoiding the ones that do).

So. Since this post has officially killed the concept of ‘in a nutshell,’ yeah, there is. And I’m working on it. I suggest you do the same.
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